wishing is okay. the do it.

what i wish my stomach looked like.

Tagged , , , ,

A little bit of honesty to remind myself that right now i don’t really like the truth.

I’M FAT.  sometimes its just coming to that realization that really kicks you in the butt.  and other times its that same realization that kicks you right into the cold chili pot to slurp up some more meat packed deliciousness.

either way, it kicks you.

for me, it did both.  but the kitchen kicks have definitely been winning the kicking battle lately– but i really want to end that.  I did so well at two weeks (minus one day) of being vegan! i was so proud until sunday night when i totally scammed my plan::( i really want to do it again though (being vegan), because it really brought awareness to my eating habits–i mean, i thought a lot more before i put something into my mouth, and also, it felt kind of fun; like everywhere i went i was part of this club, but i was kind of the only one who knew.

i think ill do it again.

i will.

the other thing though, is that ive been SO busy lately with classes and a university production of Fiddler On The Roof that i have NOT been finding time to fit in my swim workouts:(  this has led not so much to an actual poundage gain (maybe 1lb) so much as a muscle/toned look loss.  this makes me grumpy.

and i don’t like to be grumpy.

it makes me grumpy when i put my shirt on and when i sit down when I’m wearing jeans and ESPECIALLY when i remember my goals.

i feel like I’ve been trying for so long that I’m never going to actually get back to where i used to be– but NO!  I CANNOT think like that!

I have to remember that I can have anything i want–that the reason i haven’t made progress so far is because i didn’t REALLY try.  because if i had, then i would be somewhere different right now.

i have to take responsibility for my shtuff.  and yes, i meant to spell it with an sh.

tomorrow morning i am going to workout before classes start–which means ill be swimming at 5:30 am.  I didn’t trust myself enough to leave it up to me to get my bitty out the door and into the pool, so I’ll be carpooling with a friend to workout.

see? i really am “boot-camping” myself.  so far anyways.

here’s my goal:

i want to have lost about 8 pounds by my birthday on December 8th; so, my goal is to lose 1 lb a week.

i think that’s reasonable– don’t you?

I can’t wait to start seeing results, but I’m also going to be patient to i don’t kick my booty towards the sugar cane instead of the lap lane.


here we go! Anyone else in for some mid-month fun?

Tagged , , , , , , , , , , ,

huge change!!


hello again everyone! I know i’ve been a bit absentee lately, but I’ve been extremely busy with school, a drama production, and other family business.

but i thought i should let you all know that last monday i went vegan!

i have been successful so far,

resisting french toast multiple times, cheesy pizza, and spaghetti bolognaise.


fall is gorgeous–today i took some portrait shots with my two best friends

i can’t wait to have another successful week! i did not lose any weight from my vegan lifestyle yet, but i’m excited to see the results after another week!

have a great sunny sunday


Tagged , , , ,

week long summary #2

I went on a hike this afternoon… it is extremely smoky out because of the wild fires:


tonight i went to a fondue party.  horrible idea.

there was chocolate fondue too.  horribly good idea.

I’m quite excited though, because tomorrow morning i will be getting up to do a swim workout and right afterwards i will be helping to coach a young group of swim team swimmers!  It is always a joy to work with children!

So I’m going to set a few goals/challenges for the weekend:

1)  write one of my three essays due this month

2) read the play Macbeth

3) don’t eat any bread or sweets

4) do 10 minutes of abs saturday and sunday

5) go to yoga on sunday

6) study for my Stats class

7) drink 8 glasses of water a day

8) write a letter to a friend (and put it in an envelope, lick the stamp, and stick it in the actual mail box)

if i meet all my goals… 

any “prize” ideas?



Week-long Summary

This week went fairly well.  Although I definitely ate more than I did last week (therefore losing less weight), I felt better overall about my energy level.  I started swimming again this week (challenging, but nice and refreshing), and am going tomorrow morning at 7 am–thats the way to kick off a weekend!

my “life-savers” this week:

–orbit wintermint gum

–fresh pink lady apples

–chobani greek yogurt (peach or raspberry)

–reading the play Oedipus Res (Sophocles)..it was for school, but it was a superb distraction from other daily woes

–my sisters jeans (a few sizes bigger than my own…)

tonight i am disappointed because i definitely over ate.  I just didn’t feel like caring.

its a friday.

but i need to find other ways to let out my “footloose and fancy free” friday attitude.

here are a few ideas:

–movie night (with a pack of gum and a bottle of water) … this might not work because movies are prime snacking times!

–work on an inspiration wire (a string with inspirational pictures and quotes clothes-pinned to it

–get a little “out-of-the-building” work done

–read my “reader” on wordpress

–make a list of why i should stop biting my nails

–feed the fish

have a happy friday night!


Tagged , , , , , , ,

what i do when i don’t want to

I am going to start a “Weigh in Wednesday” portion of my blog.  Partly because it sounds good, but mostly because i usually do weigh ins on Mondays and after three days of free-for-all, I refused to step on to the scale this morning, and I refuse to tomorrow as well because Weigh in Tuesdays just does not work for me. So Wednesday it is.  Wow.  I just want to cry and run and poop and tear up paper after that weekend.  But instead I’m going to read 10 pages of the novel I got from the library and then set my alarm 15 minutes earlier than normal to get up and do 10 minutes of abs and 100 jumping jacks before I take a shower in the morning.  And hopefully that’ll be better.


Its Sunday and time for a little reflection

This week I am not proud of: (bear with me, the positives are coming soon)

-THIS WEEKEND.  I’ll be the first to say it: i had a pretty ballin’ week.  But then this weekend, with the wedding, a football game, pizza night with friends– I definitely fell off the ball.  I am going to choose NOT to reflect on this portion of my week; I know what I did, lets not relieve the trama(:

-My relationship status.  The first week back with my busy schedule may is rough, add on top of that the stress of keeping calories in check and workouts pumping, I can definitely transform into Decembrilla the Hun get a bit snappy.  Maybe I need to get “be nice” tattooed on my hand…but for now I’m just going to keep reminding myself mentally.  Love becomes a four letter word if it is spoken and not shown.

-The current full feeling in my stomach… dinner was four hours ago.

This week I am proud of:

-I lost 3 pounds! I decided to weigh myself every morning–once the scale started going down, my weighing ritual is what got me out of bed! I was so excited to pop on and see the effects of yesterday’s hard work.  Do you know how long it has been since Ive seen the numbers getting smaller?  It’s not a mystery–Im finally on board!!

-I ate healthy breakfasts, lunches, and dinners, with fruit and veggies taking up the majority of the plate.  No need to take a shower after eating that clean! (;

-I got through the first week after summer without too many breakdowns…

-I went to hot yoga 3 times, ran once, and even tried doing some at home Pilates

-My excitement for the beautiful week to come.

Love to you all! December

Tagged , , , ,

What rhymes with big sky? Wedding cake and Rhubarb Pie.

What a beautiful weekend in Montana!  I went to a gorgeous country wedding in the middle of Eastern Montana–  while my eating was, to put it in the spirit of things, “hearty”, it was worth those extra calories that I’ll be sweating off tomorrow in yoga class.  The setting was stunning and the wedding itself was straight out of a Laura Inglas Wilder childhood tale!


“Forggie went a courtin’ and he did ride uh-huh, uh-huh.  Took Miss Mousie on his knee, said Miss Mousie will you marry me uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.”


a little class out in the boondocks


right from the graden–not that there were any stores nearby anyways(:  too bad most of the nights calories were used on this…



the long drive home wasn’t too shabby as long as we were in the big sky state.


If you’re gonna look at hay, you might as well enjoy it(:


Tagged , , , , ,

The Cast List…

So, last night I survived 5 hrs of intense dance and vocal callbacks—at 11 pm when i got home I was so tired I didn’t even shower… or update the blog.  So here’s the deal:

I GOT THE PART!  Today I went and checked the casting board at the University and picked up my script.

I am feelin’ good my friends! The musical is Fiddler On The Roof— do you know the show? Anyways, I hope everyone has a great long weekend! I am headed off to an out of town wedding in Montana-I’ll be sure to update with photos of the Big Sky State!


Tagged , , ,

the Audition (and a little japanese wisdom)

So I did my big University audition.  Practiced all afternoon, ran through my songs a 17 a million times, and was so excited to go out there and do my mini 2 minute act, that i spent my time in the waiting room calming everyone’s nerves, telling them how fun it is and not to be nervous.  I was so relaxed, in fact, that I was helping another “auditioned” out in the hall when my turn came up– they were ahead of schedule, so technically it wasn’t my fault, but it threw me off nonetheless.  I scrambled into the theatre and walked on stage as soon as the woman before me came clomping off with her dansko clogs in full swing.

Well, i choked.  I take that back–I didn’t necessarily chokebut i definitely gagged (ya know, that middle of the throat reflex when your spaghetti goes down a little too snake like?).

We’ll see what happens, but for the moment there’s no use being disappointed or set back or afraid.  Why?  This Japanese proverb says it best:

“Fear is only as deep as the mind allows”

Even though yesterday I talked about adding depth to life, i was not talking about adding depth to fear (or self doubt or disappointment).

So there ya have it.

I’ll just keep on savasana-ing and avoiding the fact that summer is over.


Tagged , , , ,